Sunday, October 30, 2011

Seriously in Love


Man claims prostitute turned into donkey


IOL donkey
INLSA
Harare -
A Zimbabwean man has told a court that he hired a prostitute who during the night transformed into a donkey, and that he is now “seriously in love” with the animal, state media said on Wednesday.
“I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey,” Sunday Moyo told the court, according to The Herald newspaper.
Moyo, 28, was arrested in the town of Zvishavane, about 300km south of the capital Harare on Sunday.
He said he had paid $25 for a prostitute, and was surprised Sunday morning when he heard people accusing him of having sex with a donkey.
Moyo has been charged with bestiality. The court has ordered him to undergo a mental examination, The Herald said. - Sapa-AFP

Friday, October 14, 2011

Pure Skill!!!!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Ice Brocks!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Poor Performance from Ministers Husband

Minister in Zambia gives a pretty good explanation.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

If only i could get into this man's thought process

image023.jpg

It says dagga....

The Best thing about this photo....he has a real helmet sitting on the handlebars

image016.jpg

Its just amazing....

This is a sedan...look at the trunk

image018.jpg

Look at the sacks on the bonnet

Long Pants Short Shirt

image015.jpg

A little fight!

image003.jpg

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Love eating at Bumy's

I am sure the meaning of Bum is global

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Opposition = Hooligan

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Zambia

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

IF YOU NEED IT BAD ENOUGH.....YOU WILL FIND IT.........

May not really be blog-appropriate....but it is a giraffe and they do live
Africa. Aaah any argument to justify putting up a picture of a giraffe
trying to hump a donkey!

Monday, August 1, 2011

What the President thinks of his electorate!!!


Uganda is full of thieves, Museveni tells Rwanda

SHARE BOOKMARKPRINTEMAILRATING
BROTHERHOOD: Presidents Kagame and Museveni lay a foundation stone at Nyarugunga Primary School in Rwanda on Saturday.
BROTHERHOOD: Presidents Kagame and Museveni lay a foundation stone at Nyarugunga Primary School in Rwanda on Saturday. PHOTO BY BENON OLUKA 
By Benon Herbert Oluka  (email the author

Posted  Monday, August 1  2011 at  09:28
Share This Story
Share 
President Museveni says Uganda has “so many thieves” who have frustrated government programmes that should have benefitted its citizens. Mr Museveni made the remarks after participating in Rwanda’s monthly community work programme (Umuganda) on Saturday at Kanombe in Kigali.



Wednesday, July 20, 2011

This is slightly unreal...any ideas?


A couple of bedtime stories for you from the Swazi Observer


I GAVE BIRTH TO TWO-HEADED SNAKE

Font size: Decrease font Enlarge font
Deep dark secrets of evil powers in the satanic realm have been exposed by a former devil worshipper Patience Tsabedze saved from clutches of hell by well known demon-busting Pastor Muzi Manana.
The 27 year-old Patience was saved two months ago after serving the devil for more than seven years and is not the first person in Swaziland to testify about encounters with the powers of darkness.
On the day she was saved, her husband [who is a police officer, but did not want to be named] Pastor Manana of the Church of God and other policemen watched in horror as Patience vomited gallons of blood, two types of snakes, three live starfish and 20 ordinary fish, a dead rat, over 700 worms and other gory items.
Her ears also excreted millipedes (emashongololo) and days later, she ‘gave birth’ to a two headed snake after experiencing hours of what she described as labour pains.
The traumatised husband who was in the company of Pastor Manana recalls the scene of Patience’s’ deliverance vividly and describes it as being reminiscent of a horror movie that never seemed to end.
Both Patience and her police officer husband praised the Lord for her deliverance and thanked Pastor Manana “for allowing God to use him to save her”.
Patience still does not believe that so many animals were implanted in her body and operated in the seven years that she worked for the devil. 
In an interview, the husband still traumatised by the candid confessions, admitted that he was blissfully unaware that his wife of four years was a devil worshipper.
 “I never suspected, not even once, that my wife was a devil worshipper, until two months ago when she was prayed for and saved,” he said in an interview in one of the police camps where the couple lives with their two toddlers.
Despite the military training he received at the police college, Patience’s husband said nothing could have prepared him for the horrific scene he witnessed on the day of his wife’s deliverance.
Patience claims to have held a very high rank in hell, and that when she was saved, demons were not amused with her newfound life in the Lord.
After she was saved, she claims to have received all kinds of threats from the devil and many pleas to return to the dirty of life of demons, in exchange for riches and a luxurious life.
“The devil promised to give me a brand new shiny car and money if I went back to him, but I am not going there ever again,” she vowed, adding “my family and I suffered too much in the hands of satan”.
Patience acknowledged that it may be hard for some people to actually believe that devil worshippers exist, but warned all people, especially parents to be careful of what their children get up to.
She advised parents to monitor their children, especially those using computers for social networking as they are the most prone to falling trap to evil spirits.
Giving a glimpse of what her task in hell was, she said her main role was to take care of Pastors. “My main role was to iron Pastor’s suits and handkerchiefs they use to wipe sweat during sermons,” she said.
She was referring to well-known men of the cloth in Swaziland who on the surface are known as true Christians, but in real life serve the devil.
The other task was to cause trouble for her husband, as Satan accused him of having ill-treated another devil worshipper whose real name is Kholekile whilst he was on duty.
“The snake hated my husband so much that he wanted him killed at some stage,” said Patience. Both Patience and husband are now born again Christians and enjoy their new found faith.
She advised Christians to worship Christ in truth, fast, pray and read the Bible and live according to what it says to avoid being affected by demons.
“Pastor” hires hit men to kill PatienceA certain well known Pastor from one of the charismatic churches reportedly hired hit men from South Africa to kill Patience Tsabedze, a former devil worshipper.
The hitmen surfaced in June, and as a result, Patience and her police officer husband were forced to move from their rented flat at Ezulwini where they lived before, to a police camp because of safety reasons.
The pastor was apparently irked by the confessions made by Patience and also feared that he might be exposed.
“The pastor called me several times and begged me not to expose him in newspapers. At some stage he sent a church member who promised to build me a mansion and buy me a nice car on condition that I did not mention that the Pastor was from hell,” she said. The hitmen arrived at Ezulwini but could not locate both Patience and her husband.
Evil T-shirts, rings and underwears confisticatedTwo T-shirts, rings and a strange looking panty that were used by Patience in the under world were confisticated by Pastor Manana. Pastor Manana did not say when he would destroy the items.
The strange underwear operates electronically and has visible seven lights. Some of the items she received as a gift could not be confisticated by the Pastor. Patience warned that some of the most liked clothing labels are manufactured in hell.
Shop owners, Beware!
One of the issues that emerged during an interview with Patience was that many items found in shops nowadays are manufactured in hell. Patience is not the first former devil worshipper to highlight the presence of factories under the sea where real people and experts from real life labour to produce many things.
Patience alleged that some of the manufactured items contain codes one of which is known as code 9.
“When an item contains code 9 and is displayed in a shop, it is easy for a devil worshipper to lift it from a shop without paying for it, and no one, not even the fiercest security guard would ever notice that”

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Looks like this guy is in Shit!


In the poo - Zim cop uses wrong loo

2011-05-26 22:20



Harare - A Zimbabwe policeman has been in detention for two weeks after he used a toilet specially reserved for President Robert Mugabe's use, reports said here on Thursday.
Sergeant Alois Mabhunu, a police homicide detective in the western city of Bulawayo, was on surveillance duty a fortnight ago at the annual Zimbabwe International Trade Fair when he received an urgent call of nature, local radio station VOP said.
He rushed to the first toilet he could see, which happened to be a privy being guarded for Mugabe's use during his appearance at the show. Police guards tried to block Mabhunu's access, but he fought his way through and locked himself in, VOP said, quoting from a police charge sheet.
Having relieved himself, he left and resumed his duties. But the toilet guards reported the incident, including to the secret police, and he was arrested the next day.
Mabhunu was being held in a police detention barracks outside Bulawayo and was due to appear on Friday before a police disciplinary hearing, VOP said.
Police spokesperson Mandlenkosi Moyo refused comment, saying it was an "internal matter".
Human rights lawyer Beatrice Mtetwa questioned what offence Mabhunu was being charged with.
"There has to be a law saying the toilet is the president's, but this was a public one. They will have had to issue a proclamation in the government gazette specifying it. I bet they didn't do that."
Observers say the 87-year-old autocrat is fiercely protected by large squadrons of secret police and soldiers wherever he goes. Motorists who accidentally get in the way of Mugabe's motorcade are routinely assaulted, and have no recourse to the law.
- SAPA

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Best Stories From Africa

1. The Cape Times ( Cape Town )

"I have promised to keep his identity confidential,' said Jackie Maxim,
a spokeswoman for the Sandton Sun Hotel, Johannesburg , "but I can
confirm that he is no longer in our employment. We asked him to clean
the lifts and he spent four days on the job.
When I asked him why, he replied: 'Well, there are forty of them, two
on each floor and sometimes some of them aren't there'. Eventually, we
realized that he thought each floor had a different lift, and he'd
cleaned the same two twelve times. "We had to let him go. It seemed
best all round. I understand he is now working for Eskom (Power
company)."

2. The Star ( Johannesburg )

"The situation is absolutely under control," Transport Minister
Ephraem Magagula told the Swaziland Parliament in Mbabane . "Our
nation's merchant navy is perfectly safe. We just don't know where it
is, that's all." Replying to an MP's question, Minister Magagula
admitted that the landlocked country had completely lost track of its
only ship, the Swazimar: "We believe it is in a sea somewhere. At one
time, we sent a team of men to look for it, but there was a problem
with drink and they failed to find it, and so, technically, yes, we've
lost it a bit. But I categorically reject all suggestions of
incompetence on the part of this government. The Swazimar is a big
ship painted in the sort of nice bright colours you can see at night.
Mark my words, it will turn up. The right honourable gentleman
opposite is a very naughty man, and he will laugh on the other side of
his face when my ship comes in."

3. The Standard ( Kenya )

"What is all the fuss about?" Weseka Sambu asked a hastily convened
news conference at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport . "A technical
hitch like this could have happened anywhere in the world. You people
are not patriots You just want to cause trouble." Sambu, a spokesman
for Kenya Airways, was speaking after the cancellation of a through
flight from Kisumu, via Jomo Kenyatta, to Berlin . "The forty-two
passengers had boarded the plane ready for take-off, when
the pilot noticed one of the tyres was flat. Kenya Airways did not
possess a spare tyre, and unfortunately the airport nitrogen canister
was empty. A passenger suggested taking the tyre to a petrol station
for inflation, but unluckily the jack had gone missing so we couldn't
get the wheel off. Our engineers tried heroically to re-inflate the
tyre with a bicycle pump, but had no luck, and the pilot even blew into
the valve with his mouth, but he passed out. "When I announced that
the flight had to be abandoned, one of the passengers, Mr Mutu,
suddenly struck me about the face with a life-jacket whistle and said
we were a national disgrace. I told him he was being ridiculous, and
that there was to be another flight in a fortnight. And, in the
meantime, he would be able to enjoy the scenery around Kisumu, albeit
at his own expense."

4. From a Zimbabwean newspaper

While transporting mental patients from Harare to Bulawayo , the bus
Driver stopped at a roadside shebeen (beerhall) for a few beers. When
he got back to his vehicle, he found it empty, with the 20 patients
nowhere to be seen. Realizing the trouble he was in if the truth were
uncovered, he halted his bus at the next bus stop and offered lifts to
those in the queue. Letting 20 people board, he then shut the doors
and drove straight to the Bulawayo mental hospital, where he hastily
handed over his 'charges', warning the nurses that they were
particularly excitable. Staff removed the furious passengers; it was
three days later that suspicions were roused by the consistency of
stories from the 20. As for the real patients: nothing more has been
heard of them and they have apparently blended comfortably back into
Zimbabwean society.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Monday, May 2, 2011

Terrorising his Buttocks with his Monster Whopper

Where to begin, it's really hard to add any more to this headline

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Fire Ass

What?

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Probable cause of Death - Sexual Sweetness


Man killed by 'sexual sweetness'
30/03/2011 00:00:00
by Staff Reporter
 E mail this to a friend Printable Version
 
Death by sweetness ... Malawi police spokeswoman Edina Ligowe
 
RELATED STORIES
Row over Malawi farting ban bill
Chinotimba witchcraft plot: pair in court
Baby born with 4 legs, 4 hands
A MALAWIAN man who collapsed and died while having sex with a hooker was killed by “sexual sweetness”, a police spokeswoman said.
Newspapers in that country say Fletcher Jere picked the hooker from the Ndirande suburb of the capital, Blantyre, “to quench his libido”.
But he suddenly collapsed and fell off a bed after a steamy sex romp with the prostitute.
 
Police spokeswoman Edina Ligowe told the Daily Times newspaper: “Jere died of too much sexual excitement and sweetness.
 
“The sex worker will not be prosecuted because she committed no crime by being too sweet for the man.”
Medical experts say the man may have died of cardiogenic shock -- a condition in which the heart fails to supply blood to the rest of the body. This can be caused by “dangerous heart rhythms”.
Most likely, the experts say, Jere had an underlying heart defect.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Please follow the sign

My favourite part about this is the logo, nothing sells like a good logo!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

An interesting article...but an unfortunate picture

I just can't imagine how they decided to pick this photo out of their image library, some may say its a little too appropriate

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Breast Milk Ice Cream - do i need to say more

This is slightly unfair as this story actually originates in the UK but has
been reported over here!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I just don't know which one to believe

You would think that if you are going to write head lines which appear so contradictory, you would put them in different part of the paper.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Toys taken away

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Monday, February 7, 2011

Where to from here?

This was taken in the car park of a kenyan shopping centre!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Farting may be Illegal in Malawi

http://www.businessinsider.com/malawi-farting-illegal-2011-1

In a bill proposed by Malawi President Bingu wa Mutharika, citizens who repeatedly pass gas in public could be punished as criminals, according to The Daily Mail.
The bill is intended to make citizens "responsible and disciplined."
Mutharika's bill contains other bizarre offenses, such as "insulting the modesty of a woman, challenging to fight a duel, and...pretending to be a fortune teller."


Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/malawi-farting-illegal-2011-1#ixzz1Ch7cQmsb

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Friday, January 28, 2011

Beware - Bum Driller

The latest ridiculous article to come out of the homophobic nation of Uganda

You may remember the famous homophobic "eat da poo poo banter" reported , let me refresh your memory Eat Da Poo Poo

And the banter goes on...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

And on....

A little bit of political banter

Don't let it get to you

A complete shopping experience

I took this situated next to a portable burger stand at a shopping mall in this fine city
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Zambia